It is something many of us have feared ever since the 80's - that a carelessly placed tattoo or piercing could not only be the cause of mistaken identity, but could actually change a person's sexuality.
Straight No More
Gib Toidi, 49 year-old California resident, has been happily married and very "straight" all his life. Gib had a passing interest in body art, and his wife gave him a gift certificate to a local tattoo studio for his 48th birthday. Gib had wanted a navel piercing and a lower back tattoo, but had heard that they could cause him to be mistaken as "gay". He questioned his artist about it, and was assured that this would not happen.
So, Gib got his tattoo and piercing, and he was happy. But then something terrible happened that can't be explained. Gib began having fantasies of being with other men, and couldn't resist picking up a copy of Playgirl magazine at the music store, where he had been searching for Barbara Streisand and Barry Manilow CD's.
Mrs. Toidi's Heartbreak
Mrs. Toidi started noticing changes in her husband, and tried to shrug them off. She sobbed as she relayed, "Gib began to shy away from my sexual advances. He started spending more time away from home. He told me he was visiting his brother, but he was actually going to a nearby gay bar - drinking beer, singing karaoke and dancing with those, those....men. Then one day, he told me he couldn't keep it a secret any more, and announced that he was homosexual."
The tattoo artist in question has denied comment, but Mrs. Toidi fully intends to sue for malpractice and punitive damages, which resulted from the artist's bad advice to go forward with the body art that led to Mr. Toidi's sudden change. Mrs. Toidi is also volunteering as an advocate against "gender bending" body art, traveling the country and speaking out against this practice.
A Warning To All
All because of a tattoo and piercing that are clearly reserved only for women. And this doesn't only apply to straight people - gay men should take heed of this warning and avoid any tattoo or piercing that could misinterpret them as "straight". And lesbians, please exercise extreme caution in getting any body art that could cause people to mistake you for being feminine. We all want the lines of sexuality clearly defined and easily recognizable. Crossing this line could only mean disaster for the entire planet.
And if you believe any part of this April Fool's article, you're a GIB TOIDI!
This article was written in dedication of all the men that send me emails all worried that they're going to "look gay" if they get pierced or tattooed in the "wrong place". Get a grip!